~ Solitude ~
Amidst a room of people,
I can feel so all alone.
Without a thought or feeling,
Emotion and or tone.
I've pushed them all away,
They just don't make sense to me.
I can't tell what they are about,
So I've learned to let them be.
A silent life of turmoil,
Bubbling until it spills.
Into a teary lake of pain,
Confusion,and question fills.
Thoughts come in short splashes,
With many different scenes.
Completing just.. only one,
Is much harder than it seems.
My focus is all foggy,
Although I try with all my might.
I seem to not be listening,...
It's my mind, it wants to fight.
My body hurts on top of this,
Which makes things only worse,
And now
it's
raining
again.....
This page is a bit of insight into my life and the problems that I deal with daily. I was injured multiple times in the neck area. This ultimately lead me to surgery and a fusion. As an end result, I ended up with what is called "Myofascial Pain Syndrome" and "Fibromyalgia " Who knows what else could be going on they stopped at Fibro. I, because of the time it took for diagnosis andthe pain, ended up with "Depression" on top of that. Then after finding out my middle Daughter has what is called "Borderline Personality Disorder" and my Son is "Bi-Polar" they checked me out for these problems. (they can be hereditary) They found that I have "ADD" . I really didn't realize it having had it my whole life....that is until they medicated me. Once you get a taste for how one is supposed to function when the meds no longer work WATCH OUT! It's not a pretty picture! To think clearly was like a dream! After awhile though dose adjustments are needed... and you wait until the time comes to go back to the doctor. Feeling like a failure, adding to the deppression, unable to finish a thought before another pushes in its place. Walking around in a zombi like state ...watching the calendar for your next appointment to once again recieve that special gift of thought! You truly never understand anothers problems until you walk in their shoes! I never could grasp the concept of so many children with "ADD -ADHD" Now I get it! And from an adult prospective it's not a discipline problem as I have heard way too many times! It is truly a lack of blood flow to part of the brain! Much like that of the kink you get in your garden hose! Shutting off ample blood supply and causing spittering and sputtering in the thought process. I thank Dr. Six for this wonderful explanation!
~
So now you know where some of my poetry comes from and why sometimes it's just down-right depressing LOL! I have All Faith in God and what He has in store for me,that gets me through when I feel so low! And knowing He is there and will Always listen even when I ramble on.. and on... and on...... is comfort in itself! And when I hurt when friends, people, acquaintances, ect. don't seem to care....
It's Ok...
He's There!!!
~ Shiena ~
